my question is this....

ok so i have been "asleep" for well what seems to be 10 years or more i dont really know and really dont care. anyway my question is this....what do people REALLY mean when they say "I care" because it seems to me that nothing has changed since the last time i was awake.....back then we had a load of friends who said that exact phrase and here we are 10 years later and guess what....none of them are to be found ANYWHERE....so what does it really mean..."i care until i just cant be bothered anymore" or "i care until something else more interesting comes by" or " i care until you frustrate me to the point that i walk away" or " i care until i get so pissed off at not understanding you that i dump our friendship forever" or " i care but only when i feel like it" or " i care but dont bug me because i have problems of my own" i mean i could go on forever about this. why do people say it if in reality they really dont give a shit one way or the other, people claim they care because they are your friend but it never really turns out that way, what it boils down to is this " it was all i could think of to say" why exactly do people pretend they actually care when they dont? why not just walk away from the start and then less pain is caused because they were never there to start with.the way i see things is if you dont care then dont say you do, and if you truely do give a damn they stick with it dont give up and walk after 1 year or 10 years of friendship people do not realise how much pain they actually cause a person when they walk out of their life or they do and again they just dont care. i also believe that the phrase "im sorry" is way over used these days because its a quick out for people they say it and all is cool when in reality they didnt even mean it. so if you dont mean it why say it? just keep your damn mouth shut. it is NOT ok to say "i care" if you dont and it is also NOT ok to say "im sorry" if you dont mean it. it really pisses me off that people use those phrases so freely and then in the end they walk out or they just hurt you again. oh by the way this is not toward anyone in this blogging thingy here these are just my thoughts on past and recent happenings.

DarTanyon

Life is very bizarre

Life is very bizarre these days, One moment you are what you think is free and moving on and the very next moment you are trapped under a weight so heavy that you believe yourself to be dieing and your only thought is " how did i let this happen" I am not sure if anyone else thinks this way but we do many times, We have dragged ourselves from the gutter more then once just to be shoved into another almost instantly. I find it remarkable that a system can go through what they do and still servive. Now mind you not all systems do, Today is the anniversary of a dear friend we had long ago their host name was "Yvonne" We spoke with them almost nightly and into the dawn just trying to keep each other afloat in times we thought we would not make it. We spoke on the phone and wrote letters to each other it was a great relationship. they to had suffered only it was in the hands of their father that the suffering took place. they finally at the age of 13 moved in with their uncle and aunt and tried to start their life brand new. It seemed to work for a while and we met when they were 17. We laughed and cried together for 6 years, and then one day 3 years ago we got a phone call from their aunt, Yvonne had overdosed and was in coma in the hospital. We went to see them they lived 3 hours away from where we did and we hitchhiked just to see them. When we got there we were greeted with the aunt and uncle who asked us right away why Yvonne would do such a thing what was wrong with her. IWe could not tell them because we did not know. We sat with Yvonne for 2 days straight and then we had to leave. When we got home there was a letter waiting for us from Yvonne stating quite clearly that they just could not do it anymore it was all to much and they had noone. They wrote that they loved us very much and thanked us for being their friend and that we would never be forgotten. Now here we sit wondering what we are going to do and how we are going to servive and the answer is clear the same way we always have we have not made it this far just by luck alone there is a reason and that reason is to remember all those who could not make it this far to fight for them to remember them and to never let them be forgotten. Yvonne was special in many ways but they could just not fight their dem*ns there were just to many and they were so very young. So this is for you Yvonne may you not be forgotten and to all the others who have been we will remember and we will fight to keep your memory alive.

Forgotten Few

Not so sure of ourselves right now

hi well not to sure right now how we are going to make it through this things seem to be sliding down hill and it seems to be a snowball effect life inside is hellish to say the least and it is not getting any better, it is just us Ramadons and the honorables front that are copherent and 1 lonely little girl who wont speak or move from where she is. it is puzzling because noone should be awake or even moving with us here yet she stands at a distance and watches our every move. she is only i would say 4 maybe 5 years old very dirty looking and bruised also very thin and sickly looking. not a one of us can get near her because she screams and goes into a rage if we try. what is left of us is very very tired and dragged out because we were never ment to be front for this long. we are trying to cope but its hard when you have noone in real life who understands you and can sit with you just to be a friend. We called the number Terrence got and what happen is what we had expected they did not understand and got very confused then in the end they thought it was a prank and threatened to have our number traced and call the police on us. So we now sit here hoping for the best and waiting.

Lexi

Please

Hello, My name is Terrence and i am one of the head leaders for this system. We have encountered a problem within and it has come to my attention that this is something we have never dealt with before. We have however found the source of the problem. It is a shadow program created when the body was a very small child. It took place at a ceremony that was involved with the c*lt. I am unable to resolve this problem as of yet and was wondering if anyone out there has had any kind of experience with this sort of thing before? And if so how did you resolve it? I am at a loss here and with some of the others front the rest are either sleeping or frozen in time due to what we carry within us. I am not sure how to comprehend this program it seems to be in a different language unknown to us. Any help would be very greatful.

Terrence

Hi there ( trigger)

Well it seems this whole Sam thing is a shadow program from the past way way way back when the body was 3-4 years old, seems that it was implanted when we were dragged to a cerem*ny, Kirtana was the one who attended and it seems she was at that time programmed with this Shadow we did'nt know at the time that she was programed to do these things around this time of year. She has never been awake in the month of october so we never saw this coming until now. Problem is we don't know how to deal with it and neither does she, She has been trying to remember exactly what happen that day so we can go from there but nothing so far. We now have her bathed in light and she does not leave it thats all we know what to do so far (thank you Uriel) All the others are still sleeping and will be for a little while longer We did a head count last night and realised that a few normal fronters are missing so we have to go look for them as soon as possible. Terrence reversed the dome they were under so it now heals instead of drains and it seems to be working so far. We that are front now are getting very drained because we are not use to being front to start with and now we have been here for a few days. We are not sure what is going to happen to Kirtana when she does remember and we are also not sure what to do IF she remembers what happen. I guess we will have to deal with that when it comes and for now just keep moving at the pace we have been and take it one day at a time.

Montego of The Ramadons

MY NAME IS SAM EYE L , I WILL DESTROY
MY NAME IS SAM EYE L, I WILL DESTROY
MY NAME IS SAM EYE L, I WILL DESTORY

Hello

Well it seems that we have found that the whole reason for what has happened was because there was information being passed to the "Dark ones" as to what goes on up front what was being done to protect the body and the system this time of year and it was all passed to them so they could successfully integrate their plan. What they failed to count on was The Ramadons and The Honorables being summoned. We have since being front took Thunder into custody and his sidekick ( for lack of a better word) Shady. There are approximatly 135 others who were involved in the attempted overtaking of the front. Now the problem being is the information that was passed was not only the front plan and everything that was in place for protection but also the severe fears of every adult front, A dome was built and every person over the age of 15 was put in it. Now the problem is the dome was created to pierce into every one of their fears and make it real in their mind, They all seem to be stuck at a point in their life they feared the most and are unable to break away from it, It seems it has drained every ounce of energy, spirit and their will to live and move on. Servival has always been a big issue within this system and for a long time we teetered right on the edge then we brought ourselves foward step by step and began to move on with life now that has all gone and i am not so sure they are going to ever be the same after this. It has come to my attention also that for a while now the front has been putting up a wall to all those around them telling people they are fine everything is good and nothing is wrong when in fact they could not be further from the truth. They have been very slowly cutting themselves off from the world and everyone they speak to or have a relationship with. We are not sure what caused this or how long it has been going on but i do believe that the dark ones had alot to do with it. Their presence up here can be felt even though they are not here it is very depressing and draining even for myself so i believe they are responsible for the change in those who stand front and take care of it. Their lack of self esteem and self worth is frightening i have never seem any of them this bad in my time being here. It is saddening that we strived for so long to servive only to almost be defeated by traitors within our system. It makes me sad and angry that because of what has been done we now have to face the fact that even though we are away from our original abusers that we now have to face some within this system that are just as bad and some even worse then the originals and they are lurking everywhere within. We were created to keep the host safe and eventually to keep each other safe but now that this has happened who is going to keep the inside safe from those whos only wish is to destroy what we have accomplished? I am not sure what the plan is going to be for front but i do know it is going to be a very long time before it comes back to even being semi normal. The dark ones have taken whatever the adults where holding on to for hope and destroyed it. So this is my writing i may post again tomorrow. I just needed to get this out so i could get the body some rest. Goodnight.

Kirtana of the Ramadons

hello

hello out there i found this place because you guys inside are so maticulus in keeping order around here *laughs* just thought i would post and let you all know that even though things are happening that are out of your control right now that we are here and fighting for you, Don't give up hope i know it seems bleak right now but if you think you all have been through ALOT worse then this as i can remember so we are here and if nessassary we will call in the rest of the family you all WILL be safe just hang tight for a bit.

Lexi of the Ramadons

whoever is listening......

whoever is listening im coming to the door...
whoever is listening i cry until im sore.....

whoever is listening its not like i hoped
whoever is listening when i walked i moped....

whoever is listening i tried to hold my head high.....
whoever is listening i thought i would die......

whoever is listening the pain will never end.....
whoever is listening my heart should mend

whoever is listening i think its enough
whoever is listening im not that tough

whoever is listening all i want is a friend
whoever is listening its all coming to an end

whoever is listening their gone for good
whoever is listening our future is understood

whoever is listening it was ment to be this way
whoever is listening this is my final day

whoever is listening i stare at the blade
whoever is listening my life has been a cherade

whoever is listening i wont take anymore
whoever is listening please open the door

whoever is listening the blood runs thick
whoever is listening it was only suppose to be a nick

whoever is listening my life fades away
whoever is listening theres nothing more to say

thanks for listening.......

day 5 and counting

im not to sure what to do within Raine gave an idea last night and we are all thinking about it.....we have never tried to call the Ramadons front because everything that is anywhere near them freezes we are not sure of the after affects of them fronting or if they are even awake and if not we dont want to wake them incase thats a bad idea to everything we try to do to make it safer front gets destroyed somehow.....some of the ones front with me are not so friendly and getting hard to deal with they are bugging the littles and middles to no end until they cry and scaring them and if anyone else stands up to them they threaten to either do harm to the body or lead the dark ones to us and help them take over....im doing my best along with the others that are with me we wanted to try pr*ying but a few are leary of making things worse because we know that a few that were front did not like religion at all so we dont know if it will make things worse so i guess we will see how it all pans out

run run as fast as you can.....

its that time of year again.....time to set up the walls, the forts, the cages, the lights and all the other fun stuff that goes along with this time of year....knowing full well it dont matter what you do to prepare yourself its never enough....something always happens that was not expected and you were not ready for and now you have to deal with it the best way you can and see fit to do and hope that all goes well and is over as soon as possible. that never seems to happen here though something crops up and BAM we are thrown into hell on earth and there was no way of knowing it was coming....all that tends to be left is few little ones who end up hurting more then ever and having more secrets to hide from more terror to keep them quiet.....most to all protectors are gone to who knows where and whether their even coming back all the while a very dark cloud hangs over and it seems to go on forever.....you are thrown into a world you never thought possible and now you stand looking around wondering what you did this time to cause so much pain felt within....you do your best to make light of whats happening so the little ones that are left do not give up and retreat to the dark ones yet you yourself sit and wonder if going back to the dark ones would just be soooo much easier you know that thinking is wrong yet it seems soooo much easier to simply give in and go with them. you start working on the lights up front and the safe room created but come to find it has been destroyed by ev*l and is now in shambles now your lost and dont know what to do....this has only reenforced your previous thinking about giving in but you dont you start the thinking process and figure out what your next step is the little ones are crying and hiding everyone who use to be here is gone you have never been front at all in your entire life now you are thrown into it also having to take care of inside to it starts breaking you down physically and mentally and your not to sure what to do. everything that everyone else use to do has been thrown on your plate and you are now responsible for EVERYTHING that goes on both inside and out so here you are brand new to the fronting thing and you are now the sole person to run everything without anything breaking down and stopping the dark ones from taking full control. you yourself have MANY issues with this time of year yet you now have to set all of that aside and try to funtion with everything else and not let what happen in 1994 happen again ok so here it is i stand alone to face all of this and well to be honest i hope i can make it we are on day 4 of the dark side saga and i honestly hope it dont last long

coming down

wolf is bring the entire system down its not good she is so depressed it is affecting all of us it is hard enough to funtion around this time of year and she is not helping any i think this whole ordeal with her brother pushed her over the edge im not sure how to contain her feelings from the system but we need to figure something out because this is insane

im not sure how many come here but just incase you didnt get the message there is an e-mail about it so please read i do not want anyone walking blindly into something no more contact is to be made with the brother until further notice now i know this is going to hurt alot of you because of the neices issue but this is Wolf's health at steak please be advised this is serious you can still call the neices but only when the brother is at work no other time is it allowed and be sure Wolf is near by when you do so she can atleast hear them so she knows they still love her.

Saul

hi

hi im jessa and im 9 i dont no what 2 do here i just got here 2dai and im lost i dont lik being alon but i am what can i do abowt it this was on the scren so i cam here 2 find anione but noone is here wer do i find somone 2 talk 2? jessa

its here

that time of year is lurking again and you know what i think we would be alright if next month didnt exsist if it went away forever we would be fine minus the spats here and there i think we would servive a whole lot better it seems O*tober lingers forever and doesnt go away or takes forever to leave then we have to deal with the aftermath of the month its all so much work and you can never really prepare for it no matter how hard you try something always seems to happy that you were not counting on and did not prepare for stupid month stupid ab*se around this month damnit

finally settleing in

we are settleing in nicely here and it is just that nice. We live by our own rules and do as we please with no recourse from anyone or anything. we have sattelite and internet and now we have our phone so its all falling together atleast maybe this is the up we needed to get on with life and grow as a person/persons. anyway thats all for now i guess

finally

in our own place finally gettin set up its a bitch cuz there is so much confusion on whos who and whats what but we are getting there slow and sure lol its not as big a mess as it was yesterday actually its pretty clean ( we let the obsessive clean people out for a day lol) looks really good got more stuff to move in but it all takes time rome wasnt built in a day so Tyrone says so yeah there it is WE ARE IN

well heres life for you

well our place we were suppose to get fell through the landlord backed out on us fuckin jerk two weeks before we were suppose to move in we went to see him to give our deposit and he tells us oh well hold on to it because i might have the place sold Tyrell looked at him like " and when the hell were you gonna tell us about it?" he says the house is to much for him blah blah blah but we did manage to find an apartment atleast its not huge but we can have the dog and its a nice secure building where people cant get in unless they buzz you so thats a good thing. had a bout with fleas on Jade which isnt cool cuz they can flare up her mange if left untreated then she has to be put down wont have internet in a couple days for about 2-2 1/2 weeks which sucks ass but hell you do what you gotta do to get stable, once we are stable Raven wants to have a baby with mike so we will see what happens anyway enough for now more later

one more kick in the face.......

well here we go again we got a month before our place comes up and low and behold we have nowhere to live again, thought the people we moved in with were cool but they aint they turned out to be a bunch of users like everyone else in our life so far we have spent 150 bucks in 2 weeks feeding 5 people when we were only suppose to be feeding us and mike.....say something and here we sit in 6 days we gotta be out all because Tyrone said that we were not their house maid and we were not their grocery store....seems to be typical of our life lately anyway not much more to say just hoping and praying we make it a month

ok bloggin a bit

ok so here goes,

im alive all tha rest are alive but to say we are doin ok would be a lie, we have now moved 5 hours away from everythin we know an trust to a place we know nuthin about an dont know anyone which sucks BIG TIME but....we didnt have a choice in tha matter inside was hell outside was hell an we were 2 steps from bein locked up in tha phych ward for a breakdown not cool.....we do have our own place set up but cant get it till sept 1st which right now is an eternity away but we are dealin one day at a time, We did get ta keep tater so that was cool but had ta give up tha fish an tha hamster but thats life still wit mike he aint bad now but he almost got choked out a month ago but that was his families fault well i should go cuz well we are very tired an livin hell inside wit flashbacks/bady memories/gettin stuck back there/ oh an tha voices thats another story for later interestin but weird well see ya

Tyrell Adrian Adams