not to sure how much more i can take journal. Tommy started his shit again yesterday caused a big argument and i actually felt bad for mary cause she started to cry because of it. Well then today AFTER my baby turned over 420 bucks to her he asked if he could borrow some money ( which he always pays back ) And got a flat out NO. Well he got mad and i dont blame him a bit for it he has done everything for that woman and since tommy moved in he has been treated like a bag of shit by her. I lost total respect for her the last time they got into it and she stuck up for tommy and today was no different at all. She stuck up for him again and in the end me and mike were garbage and he was champ. She called my baby an asshole and a bastard also said she was gonna call the cops on him. She then proceeds to say she is not going to give me my rent receits like she is suppose to and she wont give mike his either. She is a backstabbing two faced bitch and she has some serious mental problems to go along with it. My brother was going to come up and fix the van so she wouldnt have to pay out an astronomical amount of money to canadian tire to fix it and now i am going to tell him not to bother because she sat right in the kitchen and said "why should i let someone who doesnt know what their doing touch my van". She dont know shit about my family and i thank her to quit draggin them into the problems around here. She then proceeded to pick on jade and say that jade eats 2/3rds of the food in the house EXCUSE FUCKING ME!!! she is the one that feeds her half the time not us. but of course have to pick on a dog cause we are mad. Then take it out on me at the same time and i had nothing to do with it at all it was between her and mike. If tommy asks for money he gets it, if he asks for smokes he gets them, Anything he asks for he gets it and mike gets treated like shit its not right and its not fair to him. He has done nothing but help that woman out and tommy gets the glory for it. Soon as morning hits im callin ron to come get me so i can call about a house it may be back in the bush but anything is better then here right now. Im getting a stress rash on my arm because of the shit and thats when i know enough is enough. It just boggles my mind how she can be like that toward the person who has been there for her the most. I didnt see tommy here in the winter shovelling, I didnt see tommy walking to town for her meds when she ran out, I didnt see tommy in the house asking if she was ok or if she needed anything. And yet in the end this is the thanks. Well fuck you lady im sick of the shit, I gotta call JP tomorrow, I gotta wait for my lawyer to phone then i gotta phone the lady about the house and pick up a paper to look at for houseing. I CANT LIVE HERE ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cant sit back and watch my baby be treated like shit and NOT say anything its getting harder and harder to do. I now understand what they were trying to tell me when they warned me about her, Well trust me when we move words will be said and that will be that. His whole family will be told off and that will be the end of the story. I dont want anything to do with any of them at all ever. my lawyer is calling tomorrow to get a statement about the joe thing and after that my hearing is nov 16th. When i get my money if it is enough im going to put a down payment on a house for me and my baby and then we will be settled for housing and money for a bit hopefully. Im not looking forward to my phone call tomorrow at all and im guessing between that and the already added stress here thats why im still awake. My baby had to take a remeron just to go to sleep and thats not fair to him concidering before he didnt need to be medicated to go to sleep that was before tommy and his shit moved in. Anyway im gonna close it here and try and sleep i guess.

Raven

 well here i sit at 4am wondering how i managed to get stuck in this kind of mess yet again. I'm not really sure what to make of it all except that i cant live here much longer or im gonna end up back in jail. It seems that things have a tendency to crash down around me at any given moment and there is nothing i can do to stop it. Im really bafelled by it all because everything was going along smooth until tommy moved in the house then all hell broke lose. Mike gave up everything that was dear to him to come back here and help his mom and the thanks he got in return was basically a smack in the face. I dont find that fair or right in my books but he has asked me to mind my P's and Q's so we dont get kicked out and i will do as he asks im just not sure how long i can do it for. I tried tonight to download something on the net and 5 times tomm picked up the phone on perpose, When i caught him he tried to act like he was doing nothing wrong, Then him and mike got into a screaming match and tommy left. Mike tried talking to his mom and well to be honest that was like talking to a wall, Tommy has her so far wrapped that she cant see what is going on and in the end the only one who is going to pay for it is Mary. It's not right but i will not sit back idle and watch my might as well say husband be treated like a bag of shit by a no good piece of dog meat like tommy it just is not gonna happen. I have tried my best to fit in here and just mind my buisness but holy fuck a person can only take so much of the shit. I use to go to bingo with mary, watch t.v with her, watch movies with her and we use to sit at the table till 2am just talking and honestly i really do miss all of that but i also will not tolorate being in the same room as tommy or stay in a room he might come into. my baby right now is sleeping but it is not a restful sleep he keeps kicking and swatting me for some reason hence why i am up and at the comp. he does not deserve this and it breaks my heart to watch him go through it and know there is nothing i can do to make it easier. In five hours we are suppose to go look at a place to live and i do hope and prey we get it, It may only be for eight months but right now its better then living here atleast he wont be treated like a piece of shit on our own and god better help the first person who tries it cause it will be our home and i will have every right to kick their sorry asses out and they will be told never to come back. I will not sit idle and watch it happen in our own home NOT gonna happen. Jade is even feeling the effects of living here she has become very skiddy and withdrawn and i dont like that at all plus its not fair for her to be locked up in this god forsaken room 24/7 but it has come to that because of tommys bullshit. my baby is doing his best to figure a way out of here but 1 person can only do so much and well he is just that 1 single person. This afternoon was awesome we went to rob and bonnies and mike helped greg and ron put the struts in the van while bonnie me and gina sat on the porch and talked. When they were done they came up and rob came out of the house then we all sat on the porch talking about everything under the sun, There was no stress no yelling or scream it was great, Then we came back here and all was good for a bit then all hell broke lose. I just stood in the kitchen with Jade by my side doing dishes and trying to calm her down. I had a shower and i dont know i feel like i came down on mike for some stuff and i didnt really mean to it was just that i was hot and pissed off because of tommys shit, Which isnt mikes fault but he listened and we talked but i think when he gets up im gonna apologize for what i said cause it really wasnt fair to him for me to take it out on him knowing its not his fault. He knows i love him and it makes me madder by the day to see the one i love with all my heart to be walked on and kicked around like a dirty rag you find in a mud puddle somewhere. Everytime it happens i want to speak up and say something but i know damn well the moment i do his mom will boot my ass out the door quicker then you can blink. So i sit and watch it happen holding my tongue and feeling my ulsers get worse by the day all because i am stuck between a rock and a hard place, But im telling you once we move that will be it i WILL have my say and if they dont like it to bad for them. I am sick and tired of people treating my baby like shit and soon enough i am going to put a complete and total stop to it, If people think im a big bitch well let them think what they want they will eventually learn not to walk on my husband because i wont allow it i dont care who they are, friends, my family his family NOONE will walk on him as long as i am around to stop it. He has been treated like a bag of shit his whole life and it is going to come to an end and if people dont like me because of it well i didnt really want them as friends anyway. and you wait till the next time i see sandra she is gonna get a blast from me the stupid ignorant piece of shit she has ripped him off for the last fucking time to along with diane. anyway i guess i should sign off here and try to get some sleep maybe my baby will calm down enough for me to sleep beside him

Raven
.

Just a message

ok im not naming this post until the end of it because i am not sure what it should be titled. I was pushed to the front and made my way out to be in the world they call "real" and was confronted by a whole new set of problems and issues. Inside is in turmoil right now because of body memories and they are feeding into Wolf which is causing a major issue with her. I was trying to deal with that and now i must deal with outside issues as well. The house that we are living in has a stress level that is through the roof because of the people living in it who are creating it. Namely the boyfriend's brother. I am not sure what i am suppose to do about the situation but i have spoken with the mother of the house and that was no help at all. She basically told me it was in my head what was going on and that there was no issue. I then spoke with the boyfriend and he explained what was happening so i added all that up and along with everything going on within now i know why everything is happening within. I have called on some of my helpers within to control the inner world and now i must figure out how to control the outter world. This in itself will not be an easy task because i myself do not know anything about what is going on within this world and our surroundings. I did however meet Wolf's family tonight and they seem like a good bunch of people to be with. Alot has changed since last i was front. I have spoke with Tyrone about what has been happening within and he said he would see what he can do about helping me gather information on what is truly going on and how we can fix it. Until then i can only try to stay relaxed and calm then work through and find a solution to our problem in the outter world.

~~~MASON~~~