My dear Cheyanne

My dear Cheyanne,

I will not say i know what you are going through because i don't, I have no clue how you are feeling but what i do know is that i will never leave you for anything. You are my wife and you are carrying my baby(s). I will love you until the end of time and behond if permitted to do so. Please know i am with you through thick and thin, Good, bad AND worse. I know you love me and you do not mean what you do, I understand ( thank you Raine) That you are VERY emotional and that is ok. It will not make me leave NOTHING will. As Raine said you won't be pregnant forever but she seems to think we are going to have twins. Anyway this is just to let you know i love you and im not going anywhere.

Tyrese

what to do.....

well think about it, all day you yourself hear in your head yelling, screaming, fighting, arguing, ranting, moaning, bitching, chanting and the list goes on and on and on somemore. Yet some how through the mist of it all you manage to live day by day and come about to be "normal" to people. I in the years i have been around have come to notice that the less strangness people see the happier they are and the more content they are with their meaniless petty lives. if they find out you are on " weird" medication they look at you funny and walk away never to speak to you again, If they find out somehow you are in therapy they do the same thing. Because either their life was completly normal as a child or they have buried secrets they are not yet willing to let go of for fear they will be deemed "freakish" Most people are not willing to have an opened mind to things such as "abuse" "neglect" "r*tual abuse" "s*xual abuse" 9 times out of ten their answer is the same " thats not possible" or " they just want attention" yet deep down in the deepest depths of their soul they know better they just do not want to face the possibility that something like that COULD and CAN and better yet DID happen. people have been programmed from birth to run away from the things deemed as "weird" or "not normal" because that in itself could shatter their whole excistence and what they believe. I have learned to trust very few people outside the body and always keep my eyes and ears open. People can and will be cruel if given half a chance and the consiquences are more then likely fatal to the one on the recieaving end of the cruelty. We titled our blog the way we did because that is what we are to most a " secret" never to be found out for fear of hurt and abandonment and better yet more abuse. trust is an issue and being here is a life sentance for almost all of us because we fear that letting go of what we have held secret for so long could cause unmanagable reprecutions we could not fight against. this is mine and thank you for reading my opinion.

Anolynn

what a day

 well my name is Payne, I am 22 years old and well as you can hopefully guess by my name you know what i do for a living. There have been many changes in the last few months some good but some bad and my job is to absorb the bad ( lovely job dont you think ) Anyway the b-day was the worst of it and i have been out since trying to suck up all that was spilled on that day. Long tiring job but i do it because well that is my job. I cannot say i like my job but i can say it is better then where i came from and what i was doing there. ( tell more in later blog ) The birthday started out by Wolf waking up alone ( b/f was not in bed ) Use to that but what really got it going was someone ( i will not mention names ) Smacked the b/f in the face twice while we were sleeping, He got VERY angry about this and went to sleep on the couch, Wolf had no idea what had happened but the b/f sure filled her in when she went out to the kitchen. He was screaming at her about it and told her she better get out of his face before he ended the relationship for good. This upset her extremly and she sunk back inside. Genesis then surfaced and told the b/f to back off before bad things happened ( Tyrell ) and he walked away.We proceeded downstairs to do the laundry and the b/f came down to speak with us, Tyrone slipped front and told the b/f his best bet would be to back away and leave us alone for the time being until we settled down some. About an hour later the b/f came back and hugged me and that is when Wolf resurfaced and started to cry very very hard. I let that go on for about 15 minutes and then i slipped past her and regained control. Jordan then surfaced to feed the rat and noticed he was dragging himself across the cage and his eyes were full of this secreasion that happens when they are sick or stressed. Tyrell pulled Jordan in because he was crying and made arrangments for the rat to be put to sleep. That caused internal flare up amounst the outkasts because it was there pet and it was being taken away like their other one not but a week prior to the b-day. So that was that the rat was put to sleep and a wall was built excluding the outkasts from the whole world inner and outer. They built it and it is built of pain and distrust for everyone. So here i sit absorbing what i can and growing sicker by the day, Tyrone is calling Jake but i do doubt that he can help me i believe it has been to long. So this is me and that is what happen.

Payne

these days

well lets see im Wolf im also host and will be 26 tomorrow, not sure how to feel about it because bad things have always happened on my birthday. As for the host bit well i have DID. (Wow i said it and didnt freak out) So here goes my first blog, Some here know us as a group and we are thankful to have them as friends if it hadnt been for them we might not been writing this today. Yeah we have had our rough patches ( me especially) but it all came together somewhat now and we live day for day nothing more nothing less. Our life has changed dramaticlly and we have a few people to thank for it and its better now. We still have our days where life dont seem worth the struggle but it passes and we move on to another day. We have 3 unbelievable friends who helped us get through and i want to say thanks. well i should stop here will write more some other time

Wolf