***TRIGGER****

nasty brutal thoughts run all through my head, all day everyday its the same thing....a dark nasty picture of something from long ago floats into my head and i dont want to believe it to be real. it cant be for if it was true then why am i still alive? i should by all rights be dead if these pictures are for real. but i am not dead because when the abuse that i suffered became to much for me to bare i created someone to take my place i then dove inside to the safe place where i remained only to live out the torture i endured repeatedly for the rest of my life. i have cut myself so many times i lost track just to try and get the evil out....to get rid of the nasty dirty dark twisted pictures inside my head....but nothing works...they are there and will remain there until i die....i am scared and will be forever because of my past and what happen to me...i am here only because i was created to take someone elses place who could no longer stand the pain or the torture. so it became my turn to endure as much as possible and to fill a role i was never ready for. but i filled it to the best of my ability i took the cord across my back i took the broom handle across my knees i took the kneeling on the barbed wire for countless hours bleeding all the while. i also endured things that i just cannot post about right now especially here and now but i will say that i have found one person who i would like to say thank you to.....i have never had anyone take time for me before like you have and i want you to know that i really am greatful for it. thats it for now i guess

Dreeandra