well here i sit at 4am wondering how i managed to get stuck in this kind of mess yet again. I'm not really sure what to make of it all except that i cant live here much longer or im gonna end up back in jail. It seems that things have a tendency to crash down around me at any given moment and there is nothing i can do to stop it. Im really bafelled by it all because everything was going along smooth until tommy moved in the house then all hell broke lose. Mike gave up everything that was dear to him to come back here and help his mom and the thanks he got in return was basically a smack in the face. I dont find that fair or right in my books but he has asked me to mind my P's and Q's so we dont get kicked out and i will do as he asks im just not sure how long i can do it for. I tried tonight to download something on the net and 5 times tomm picked up the phone on perpose, When i caught him he tried to act like he was doing nothing wrong, Then him and mike got into a screaming match and tommy left. Mike tried talking to his mom and well to be honest that was like talking to a wall, Tommy has her so far wrapped that she cant see what is going on and in the end the only one who is going to pay for it is Mary. It's not right but i will not sit back idle and watch my might as well say husband be treated like a bag of shit by a no good piece of dog meat like tommy it just is not gonna happen. I have tried my best to fit in here and just mind my buisness but holy fuck a person can only take so much of the shit. I use to go to bingo with mary, watch t.v with her, watch movies with her and we use to sit at the table till 2am just talking and honestly i really do miss all of that but i also will not tolorate being in the same room as tommy or stay in a room he might come into. my baby right now is sleeping but it is not a restful sleep he keeps kicking and swatting me for some reason hence why i am up and at the comp. he does not deserve this and it breaks my heart to watch him go through it and know there is nothing i can do to make it easier. In five hours we are suppose to go look at a place to live and i do hope and prey we get it, It may only be for eight months but right now its better then living here atleast he wont be treated like a piece of shit on our own and god better help the first person who tries it cause it will be our home and i will have every right to kick their sorry asses out and they will be told never to come back. I will not sit idle and watch it happen in our own home NOT gonna happen. Jade is even feeling the effects of living here she has become very skiddy and withdrawn and i dont like that at all plus its not fair for her to be locked up in this god forsaken room 24/7 but it has come to that because of tommys bullshit. my baby is doing his best to figure a way out of here but 1 person can only do so much and well he is just that 1 single person. This afternoon was awesome we went to rob and bonnies and mike helped greg and ron put the struts in the van while bonnie me and gina sat on the porch and talked. When they were done they came up and rob came out of the house then we all sat on the porch talking about everything under the sun, There was no stress no yelling or scream it was great, Then we came back here and all was good for a bit then all hell broke lose. I just stood in the kitchen with Jade by my side doing dishes and trying to calm her down. I had a shower and i dont know i feel like i came down on mike for some stuff and i didnt really mean to it was just that i was hot and pissed off because of tommys shit, Which isnt mikes fault but he listened and we talked but i think when he gets up im gonna apologize for what i said cause it really wasnt fair to him for me to take it out on him knowing its not his fault. He knows i love him and it makes me madder by the day to see the one i love with all my heart to be walked on and kicked around like a dirty rag you find in a mud puddle somewhere. Everytime it happens i want to speak up and say something but i know damn well the moment i do his mom will boot my ass out the door quicker then you can blink. So i sit and watch it happen holding my tongue and feeling my ulsers get worse by the day all because i am stuck between a rock and a hard place, But im telling you once we move that will be it i WILL have my say and if they dont like it to bad for them. I am sick and tired of people treating my baby like shit and soon enough i am going to put a complete and total stop to it, If people think im a big bitch well let them think what they want they will eventually learn not to walk on my husband because i wont allow it i dont care who they are, friends, my family his family NOONE will walk on him as long as i am around to stop it. He has been treated like a bag of shit his whole life and it is going to come to an end and if people dont like me because of it well i didnt really want them as friends anyway. and you wait till the next time i see sandra she is gonna get a blast from me the stupid ignorant piece of shit she has ripped him off for the last fucking time to along with diane. anyway i guess i should sign off here and try to get some sleep maybe my baby will calm down enough for me to sleep beside him

Raven
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